


Did You Know? Were You Aware?

by JoyLove611



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Coming of Age, Fluff and Angst, Huang Ren Jun and Park Jisung (NCT) Are Childhood Friends, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:21:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25439134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoyLove611/pseuds/JoyLove611
Summary: "Space boy wants to know more about social cues?"Renjun smacked him, and Jisung laughed at the expected reaction. "I'm not fourteen anymore; I don't just walk up to strangers and ask them about aliens.""Am I a special case?""You're theonlycase; why would I need more than one space buddy?"(or Jisung and Renjun are united by their love for the curiosities of the universe, and it all snowballs from there.)
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Park Jisung
Comments: 4
Kudos: 51





	Did You Know? Were You Aware?

**Author's Note:**

> the title's a personal inside joke that idrk how to explain.  
> and before you ask, yes, this was prompted solely by [that one segment of weekly idol](https://youtu.be/76F0yeAYDHk?t=2946). yes, i know this is an overplayed trope in the rensung tag. yes, i am unoriginal. i'm sorry, rensung nation.

Jisung couldn't explain it, could hardly comprehend it, but the park held a sort of peace to it that he couldn't find anywhere else. Granted, he was twelve and hadn't the opportunity to go beyond his neighborhood sights and buildings without his mother's distant but responsible presence. 

There was...something there. Maybe it was because a nearby shopping strip hosted buskers of various experiences and styles, but Jisung found himself dancing along to their distant tunes. His limbs were on the cusp of becoming lanky and awkward, so he cherished their smooth, albeit clumsy movements while they lasted. His stamina was a plus.

When the last busker of the afternoon had bid his farewells, and the distant crowds ceased their cheers and praises, Jisung stopped and trudged over the nearby sandbox. He toed the dunes as he waited for his rapid heartbeat to match his heaving breaths, and when it seemed like his heart wouldn't burst through his shuddering chest, he crouched down and sifted the sand between his trembling fingers.

"Do you believe in aliens?"

Jisung startled from his crouched position in the sandbox and fell onto his rear, much to his displeasure; his shorts were a starch white, and he wasn't too keen on earning another earful from his mother for not being more careful of stains.

He looked toward the boy that had disturbed him with a look that was sure to be reproachful, but he felt his expression quickly melt into timidness.

The kid was older than him. It was obvious in the features of his face which were beginning to define themselves, a slight edge to the finer points; in the awkward lankiness of his limbs, arms hanging limply by his sides, legs stretched taut beneath his body as the tips of his shoes reached toward the sandbox in stilted greeting. 

Jisung blinked and met the boy's curious gaze, open and honest, a genuine sense of wonder bright within his steadfast eyes. 

"Huh?" said Jisung, rather intelligently. 

The boy, unperturbed by Jisung's delayed response, slid over the border of the sandbox and sat beside Jisung, eyes never losing their focus on his face. "Do you believe in aliens?" he repeated, his voice straining to hide his obvious excitement, tame in nature.

Jisung blinked and pondered, eyes gazing up at the afternoon's crystal clear sky. He couldn't really imagine someone else living in the sky, in the vague, open area that space was described to him as. But when he lowered his head and met the boy's eyes, something within his burning gaze had him saying, "Yes."

A grin, boyish and victorious, took over the boy's face. "Right?" It was said like he had won Jisung over in an argument, finally getting his point across. "We can't be the only ones in the universe."

"That seems lonely," Jisung agreed.

The boy squirmed atop the sand as he pressed his arm to Jisung's, his shoulder coming up to the crest of Jisung's ear. "I'm Renjun." He peered down at Jisung, neck craned down so that his face lay within the corner of Jisung's vision. It was a silent question, a prompt hidden within those bright eyes, and Jisung startled when he realized he was taking too long to answer it.

"I'm Jisung," he mumbled. It was a meek and delayed sound, lips hardly caring to part as he introduced himself.

Renjun smiled, and Jisung jolted when he suddenly collapsed onto his back, eyelids fluttering closed as he mapped out an incomprehensible pattern into the sand beneath them. "How big do you think the universe is, Jisung-ah?" he asked.

His eyes remained shut, and Jisung faltered under the immediate question. "Uh, pretty big?" he guessed, eyes intent on Renjun's lax form.

Renjun hummed something incoherent, and Jisung hadn't the courage to ask him to repeat.

They settled into a stilted silence, the spring sun beating down upon their lithe bodies, and Jisung eventually fell into the haze of exhaustion that Renjun had long since surrendered himself to.

Renjun had been in his first year of middle school when he approached Jisung. Jisung didn't realize that middle-schoolers weren't all that different from him until meeting Renjun. He figured them to be a cut above the typical child, on the cusp of ripe adulthood and full of unbridled passion that society couldn't contain.

However, much to Jisung's immediate disappointment, Renjun was not that. He was two years older than Jisung, and it showed in the way their sense of humor aligned; in the way their unadulterated wonder of the world far beyond them slotted together with practiced ease, hours passing before either one of them realized he had other places to be and other things to do. Renjun was the one to break off their tangents more often than not. Middle-schoolers were busy, after all.

It was one such evening, and Jisung was impudent with Renjun's time because he hadn't been able to say all that had been on his mind, eager to discuss his curiosities with someone who wasn't himself.

"How busy can you be?" Jisung said. It was meant to be a retort, but his desperate need for Renjun's welcomed ideas and speculations had bled through with a slight whine.

Renjun, already tying his shoelaces, craned his neck over his shoulder to give Jisung an expression just shy of incredulous. "I have actual homework unlike you, you child," he said, breath short of haughty.

Jisung frowned. "I bet I'll finish my homework faster than you once I graduate."

Renjun laughed and stood from the floor, bidding his farewell with no further argument.

When Jisung graduated, moving from elementary to middle school, the late-afternoon discussions and conspiracies were soon overruled by study sessions. He pretended to ignore the smug delight that graced Renjun's face the first time he requested help.

But that wasn't the only thing to change with their graduation. Because while middle-schoolers and elementary kids weren't that different, high-schoolers and middle-schoolers most certainly were. 

Renjun grew. Not overly so because his body didn't seem to fill in the missing gaps that his previously lanky limbs failed to do. Jisung could say with confidence that the biggest difference in Renjun was his voice, deep and hearty, and maybe a little bit of his face; his face grew long, and his eyes didn't shine as bright as before, but Jisung couldn't tell if it was a puberty thing or a high school thing. He didn't know if he wanted to find out.

Renjun also matured. His personality was still curious at heart—that part Jisung prayed would never change—but he deemed himself above the activities he and Jisung partook when neither one of their homes felt freeing enough. An offer to walk through the park, a request to go to an arcade, a plea for a moment under the stars—all rejected. Jisung always wondered why, he wondered what could have possibly happened in the short few months between middle school and high school for Renjun to distant himself. 

It was one such blistering summer evening, school let out hours ago, and Jisung toed the sandhill beneath his feet as he sat, immobile, upon the swing seat. It was too hot for any sensible busker to play, so the noise of rowdy teenagers approaching was all the more prominent in the cacophony of cicadas.

"Oh?" a voice said, dirt-crunched footsteps nearing upon the exclamation. "Isn't this your kiddy friend, Injoon?"

Jisung jerked his head up, eyes wide when he met Renjun's startled gaze. 

The summer heat made the swing's chains slick between Jisung's fingers, and the sun's ruthless gaze burned a hole atop his overheating head. "Hyung?" he said as the moments dragged on, breath caught somewhere deep within his blazing chest.

Renjun seemed to break out of his spell. He turned toward his other friends, voice hushed as he said, "Let's go."

Jisung sat, immobile upon the swing's seat, and watched as Renjun's retreating figure blurred with the heat waves.

Somewhere between the mid-term exams and the impending sense of academic failure, Jisung realized he had lost contact with Renjun. It was a quiet realization, something he had been desperately attempting to ignore with schoolwork and new classmates. Middle-schoolers were busy, after all. He couldn't spend all his time hovering around Renjun. 

Mid-terms were over, and Jisung found himself dancing to the muted tune of faraway traffic and the streetlamps' buzzing. The last busker of the day had left hours ago, but Jisung couldn't find it in himself to return home. The park begged him to stay, and Jisung was no stranger to being denied company, so he indulged in the quiet company of nature and city-life.

When sweat threatened to mar his vision, Jisung stumbled toward the sandbox and sifted cool sand between his trembling fingers. The summer evenings were rapidly turning crisp with their breeze, and Jisung buried his hands deep into the sandbox to bask in the layer that retained the day's heat.

"Having fun?"

Jisung startled and fell onto his rear, much to his displeasure; he hadn't bothered to go home and change out of his uniform, and all he could do was pray that his pockets' seams weren't already lined with sand.

He looked up, dusted hands falling into his lap subconsciously, and smiled wryly at Renjun's honest eyes. "Not really." He wanted to answer honesty with honesty because that was the least he could offer. 

Renjun huffed something short of a laugh, and Jisung pressed himself against the sandbox's border to make room for him. Renjun's shoulder pressed against his, and Renjun turned toward him, the tips of their reddening noses brushing. "Me neither," he said as his face broke out into a grin, the air whooshing out of him like he had relieved himself of a hidden truth.

Jisung gazed into his eyes, and he noted with quiet relief that the light had returned to them. "Are your friends lame?" he whispered, something like hope fluttering against his ribs.

Renjun blinked, clearly startled by Jisung's curtness, before scoffing and falling onto his back. He beckoned Jisung closer with a tug on his uniform's sleeve, and Jisung complied with an "oof" when his skull just barely missed the sandbox's border. 

They stared up at the evening's sky, violet and orange intermingling with gray clouds. The faint stars winked down at them, and Jisung wondered if someone was looking back.

"They aren't lame," Renjun said, startling Jisung enough to have him flinching away. He grabbed Jisung's hand, which had been unceremoniously shoved underneath the small of his back, and intertwined their ice-cold fingers together. "They just...aren't curious."

Jisung hummed sympathetically. Chenle was a great friend, superstitious at times, but the most he did was humor Jisung's idea of a world greater than theirs existing. "Should have introduced me to them," he muttered, doing his damnedest to not sulk. "I would've changed their minds."

Renjun laughed, hearty and loud, and Jisung flinched away from the suddenness of it but settled into the soft chuckling that soon followed. "Because you're oh so persuasive." Renjun's free hand came up to pinch Jisung's cheek. "But maybe you'd win them over since you're so damned cute."

Jisung jolted. He felt his eyes widen, and his jaw fall slack, shock overtaking him. 

Renjun laughed when Jisung's stunned silence stretched on. "What? Why are you looking at me like that, huh?" He pulled their hands apart to reach up and pinch and stretch both his cheeks apart. "Aren't you grateful? I gave you a compliment, you brat."

Jisung whined in protest as he shook Renjun's hands off. He rubbed his sore cheeks and muttered, "I never heard you curse before."

Renjun's mouth made a silent "oh", realization dawning on him. "Ah, right. I always tried to avoid it around you since you're such a baby."

Try as he might, Jisung couldn't stop the pout forming on his lips. "I'm not a baby; I'm a middle-schooler."

Renjun nodded apathetically. "Well, I guess I was no better at your age. My friends aren't exactly PG."

"Is that a requirement to be your friend?" Jisung whispered.

Renjun barked out a laugh, short and startled. "What? Jisung, since when have you _not_ been PG?"

"I don't know," Jisung stammered, startled by his own words. He'd never put much thought into his and Renjun's friendship until then, and now it was all he could think of. Was Renjun distancing himself because of the unspoken rule that high-schoolers hanging out with anyone below the age of fifteen was lame, or had he well and truly begun to lose interest in all Jisung had to offer? Had the grand scheme of space—the ever-lasting, ever-growing expansion of bright and brilliant stars bursting into existence and burning out of life been lost to Renjun's curiosity?

Renjun hummed, a nonplussed "whatever you say" melting into the dusk air. 

They laid there, shoulders pressed firmly against each other, heels of their shoes crunching faint imprints into the sand, and looked toward the stars.

"You think someone's looking back?" Renjun whispered, and all of Jisung's doubts washed away.

Jisung cupped the glitter slime between his palms and stared intently at the winking reflection of Chenle's bedroom lights.

"You know," Chenle said as he threw his latest lime-colored slimeball at the wall, pumping his fist in victory when it stuck, "you're a high-schooler now."

"Uh-huh." Jisung didn't meet the stare he knew Chenle had on him. "I'm listening."

Chenle sighed, and Jisung squawked indignantly when he crossed the bedroom and snatched the slime from his hands. "Jisung, don't you think it's time you grew out of your alien obsession?"

Jisung scrunched up his nose in displeasure. "What, so it's okay for Renjun-hyung but not me?"

"Yeah, because Renjun-ge has hobbies outside of being a space nerd." Chenle chucked Jisung's slime at the wall and tutted when it merely bounced off and fell onto the carpet. He turned back to Jisung with something like concern in his eyes. "Whenever you're not busy with schoolwork, you're either clinging onto Renjun-ge or researching more conspiracy theories. Don't you think you should be, I dunno, thinking of the future?"

Jisung grumbled something unpleasant as he stood from the desk chair and snatched the slime from the floor, carpet fiber and dust already imbedded into its inky skin. "What if I don't want to?" he muttered. He didn't turn around when Chenle let out a sigh, but he peeked a curious eye over his shoulder when Chenle merely fell back onto his bed and proceeded to prepare another slime batch. "Not gonna lecture me anymore?"

"You're not gonna listen to reason," Chenle replied, kicking his feet over the bedside. "Besides, I'll just make you work at my company if you're still jobless when we graduate."

Jisung laughed, elated by Chenle's light-hearted attitude, and landed next to him as he tossed down his slime onto the sheets. "You're still going on about that?"

"Duh! You think I'm joking?"

"Of course not, Mr. CEO."

Chenle met his gaze, and they shared a hearty laugh with one another.

Chenle's words didn't dawn upon Jisung until he found himself sprawled across Renjun's living room carpet, staring up at Renjun's side-profile as he sank into the couch's cushions with a furrow in his brow. He was sorting out the various scholarship and pamphlet offers that he had complained about clogging up his email a week ago, and he had finally gotten around to looking into the details when Jisung tutted at him for procrastinating on his future. Renjun didn't take too kindly to his sly smirk and was resolute on ignoring any and all attempts that Jisung may make to garner his attention.

Jisung was well and truly attached to Renjun. Not merely by their shared interest in a universe full of countless, incomprehensible possibilities, but perhaps there was something more. Something that explained that desperation to fit in with the rest of Renjun's friends—which he did because they were not, as he had been expecting, utter assholes. Something that could reveal his reason for being here in Renjun's living room, staring at his grown, matured side-profile like it held all the answers to his lamenting.

"Jisungie," Renjun said, voice teetering into something irritated. "Why are you staring at me?"

Jisung muttered something incoherent that even he couldn't decipher. His head was too full and loud for him to concentrate on the reply Renjun offered him, and he startled when Renjun suddenly slid his laptop onto the coffee table and beckoned him over. 

"What's up, Jisung-ah?" Renjun sighed as Jisung sank into the cushion. "You've never been quiet for more than three minutes while over here, even with me ignoring you."

"Just thinking," Jisung mumbled when his thoughts started to sort themselves out, pointless worries and meaningless bemoaning filed away to the far reaches of his mind. 

"About what?"

"About what I should do."

"When you graduate?"

Jisung nodded with a hum, tilting his head back and resting it atop the couch's frame as a long and wispy sigh escaped him. "Chenle-ah told me to stop being a space nerd and to start acting like a high-schooler."

"And I'm an exception because...?"

Jisung shrugged and met Renjun's gaze from the corner of his eye. "He likes you, I guess."

Renjun snorted and slapped his hand onto Jisung's thigh. "He likes you too, you know. It's not often someone older than you lets you talk to them casually."

"Yeah, maybe you should learn from him."

Jisung yelped when Renjun pinched his thigh and smacked his hand repeatedly. He cradled his leg to his chest as he glared at Renjun, his lips curling into a smile at Jisung's offended gasp.

Renjun's smile faded away, however, as he leaned in close to Jisung, arm tossed over the back of the couch as his fingers kneaded the tense muscles of Jisung's neck. "But, seriously, what's up? Did Chenle's scolding get to you?"

Jisung sighed and leaned into Renjun's touch, head lolling to the side as he met Renjun's patient gaze. "I just..." His eyes wavered, his tongue fat and swollen with a hidden sense of shame that welted his cheeks. "I don't know...what I should do. For a living." His eyes met Renjun's again, meek in their hold because the unsaid _When you leave_ was tart on his stubborn tongue.

"What about dancing?" Renjun suggested, hand trailing from Jisung's neck and spreading between his shoulder blades, palm flushed and fingers imposing. "You always seemed to have a knack for that."

"Yeah, but that's not practical."

"Oh, look at you. Acting all grown up." Renjun's hand retreated from Jisung's back only to impose itself onto his face, the skin of his cheek pinched between warm fingers. 

"But," Renjun continued when Jisung fussed enough to have his hand slide down onto his shoulder, "I don't think it's bad to have an impractical job. Makes life interesting, you know?"

"It's only interesting when you're actually given opportunities, hyung, and self-taught rookies hardly get any attention in practice, much less on stage." Jisung rolled his shoulder to dislodge Renjun's hand, and he listed forward as he braced his elbows on his knees, head lowered and eyes closed. "Dancing is the only skill I have, but it'll never be enough to afford me a long-term career. There are so many people who have studied and practiced harder than me, and even the people who haven't have a natural talent for it that I just can't"—his hands clenched into fists, voice wavering under the weight of the truth—"grasp."

Buried underneath his desperate need for Renjun's company, hidden in the crevices of his fascination of a world that shone above his head, Jisung's love for dance lay patiently. It was always there, never daring to stray too far from his fragile grasp, but he had denied it for the better part of his high-school year for the sake of "growing up". Childhood dreams should stay childish to make room for reality. It often reared its ugly head at Jisung, so he needed to be ready for when it faced him head-on.

Renjun's hands were warm on Jisung's.

"Of course there's going to be people better than you." Jisung turned his head slightly to glare up at Renjun's gentle smile. "They grew up in different circumstances than you, gained more experience than you, and worked harder than you.

"But," Renjun continued when Jisung felt like he was on the verge of tears, "that's okay. You can learn. You can catch up to them with your own experience, with your own shed blood, sweat, and tears. You just have to be prepared to put in the time and dedication, and you have to steel yourself for the hardships you'll face. It's a difficult industry to get into, but I know you can adapt to it. You're a smart kid. You'll figure it out."

Jisung's lips curled into a frown in a vain attempt to stifle his sobs.

Jeno, one of Renjun's friends, was a dance freak. Full-on. Whenever the guy wasn't using his free time to exercise, he was always spotted dancing in the long-abandoned studio that their school once owned.

"Teach me," Jisung said, flushed and thoroughly mortified, and Jeno accepted him without a second thought.

Their lessons were compact, yet brutal. Jeno had to teach Jisung the finer details and even went as far as patting down the basics into his head since he had never formally learned them. Jisung had taught himself the styles he liked and never thought of exploring the idea of, perhaps, going over the bases of any dancing. 

He was wrung out and slammed against the brutal beats of various genres, a hazing experience that proved useful if only because he finally learned the difference between popping and locking and that they were not always a two-in-one packaged deal. He thanked Jeno with what little breath he had left, received a hearty clap on the back, promptly collapsed onto the studio floor, and found himself somehow stumbling back home.

He was the talk of his social group the next day, and he silently seethed at the proud boasting Jeno generously gave him. He wasn't opposed to praises, but something about being the center of attention while receiving it set him off. The soft smile Renjun gave him during the mortifying dilemma calmed his frayed nerves.

The rest of the year passed by like that, though the teasing and praising and cooing lessened considerably when exams rolled around, and Jisung couldn't find himself relieved by it because he was in the same boat as them. 

When the exams ended, however, there lay another dilemma: graduation.

"Have you picked out your college?" Jisung whispered under the watchful gaze of winking stars.

"Yeah," Renjun said, voice muted under the weight of the vacant sky, smog and clouds making themselves sparse with his and Jisung's company. "Some community college that'll get me an easy degree in Sociology."

"Space boy wants to know more about social cues?"

Renjun smacked him, and Jisung laughed at the expected reaction. "I'm not fourteen anymore; I don't just walk up to strangers and ask them about aliens."

"Am I a special case?"

"You're the _only_ case; why would I need more than one space buddy?"

Jisung felt something warm settle in his chest, spreading to his fingers' tips as they danced along Renjun's arm, which was splayed across his stomach because their shoulders had grown too broad for them to lay side-by-side in the sandbox without some form of discomfort. The heels of Jisung's shoes dug into the worn wood of the border, and if his gaze happened to stray from the cloudy night sky, he could easily spot his swaying toes below the bridge of his nose.

"Anyways," Renjun continued when Jisung yielded no reply, "you're gonna have to find someone else to cling to next year. And the year after that. And maybe even the year after that if I decide I don't want to be a social freak anymore."

"Join the dance cult once you're done being buddy-buddy with the general public," Jisung said with a grin. He'd only seen Renjun dance once—back when the social construct of their slight age difference didn't weigh them down—and it was for fun, a little movement to the rhythm of the busker that had played that afternoon, but Jisung saw the natural talent in him. His limbs were smooth in their motion, and his expressions were honest and enrapturing, but back then, Jisung had found them hysterical because a fourteen-year-old trying to act cool? Please.

"Uh, no thanks. Seeing you hobble out of Jeno's hell-training is enough for me." His arm shifted atop Jisung's stomach as his hand squeezed the flesh of his belly, giggling at the affronted gasp Jisung gave him. "Doesn't seem to be doing much for your figure, Jisungie."

"It's only been two weeks, hyung." Jisung squirmed out from underneath Renjun's arm and laid half of his body on top of Renjun's, earning a groan directly under his ear. "I'm not _that_ heavy, hyung."

"I beg to differ," Renjun said, voice strained, as he adjusted the arm that was trapped underneath Jisung but made no move to toss Jisung off. "God, when'd you get so big?"

"It's not hard to be bigger than you, hyung."

That earned him a pinch on his ass, and, honestly, he should have seen it coming.

When they finally settled down from their giggling and snarky elbowing, they relaxed into the sand and looked toward the dim stars, the streetlights dulling their brilliant shine.

They voice-chatted in the beginning because it was always easy in the beginning. And then Renjun's lectures started getting longer, and Jisung's study sessions grew older with the night, and, suddenly, they hadn't been in decent contact with one another for an entire semester. 

"Can't believe Injoonie can't come down for a quick visit when he's not even two hours away," Jeno said with a moan as he slumped against the studio's mirror. 

"Why would he come to the studio?" Jisung said as he fell beside Jeno, passing him a water bottle.

Jeno placed the bottle against his neck, sighing in relief as it cooled the sweat from his skin before he turned toward Jisung with his eyebrows raised in an unimpressed manner. Jisung would have taken offense to that if he had the energy to get riled up.

"I don't know, maybe to visit his favorite dongsaeng? Since, you know, you practically live here now that there's nobody to talk about aliens with."

"I don't _live_ here," Jisung muttered into the lip of his bottle, allowing the cool water to rest against his lips as he took in Jeno's words. Because he couldn't have been Renjun's _favorite_ dongsaeng, right? Renjun was just fond of him because he was his one and only space buddy; Jisung knew that the chemistry between Renjun and Donghyuck was undeniable, and even middle-schooler Jisung could see why Renjun would ditch him to hang with Donghyuck, no matter how infuriating he could become.

Jeno's hand landed atop Jisung's head, and he turned toward Jeno questioningly when he left it there despite the usual complaint he would have whenever his sweat got even a centimeter near him. 

"You're a loud thinker," Jeno offered before heaving himself from the floor, prepared to go for another round of practice.

Jisung felt his face do something funny, scrunching up on itself with a twitch of emotion, before he set his bottle down and followed Jeno's rhythm, pushing his faint thoughts to the far corners of his loud, loud mind.

Jisung was _maybe_ two minutes late to his own graduation ceremony, which, in all fairness, had started at the god-awful hour of transition from early to mid-morning, Jisung's appointed warm-up time for the brief break he got after exams. But it was _fine_ because Jisung wasn't even in the first half of the alphabetical list of his class, much less the entire school, so it wasn't like he was going to miss getting his own diploma announced. It was fine. His time-management skills haven't failed him in his eighteen years of life, and they most certainly weren't going to now.

"Jisungie?"

Jisung's feet hurried to stumble to a pause as he stared, wide-eyed and imposed, at the all too familiar figure that sat upon the courtyard's bench.

"Huh?" said Jisung, rather intelligently. 

Renjun's surprise melted away as an endeared smile spread across his lips. He patted the empty space next to him, though his gooey-eyed stare was what invited Jisung closer.

"Wow," Renjun said in greeting, eyes roaming the expanse of Jisung's crumbled up figure as he attempted to become one with the bench. "How the fuck did you grow even bigger?"

Jisung shrugged. "Puberty?" he hazarded.

Renjun scoffed with mild offense, though his smile easily stayed. "I bet Jeno force-fed you those protein drinks of his."

"Ah." It escaped Jisung as he comprehended that the drinks Jeno allowed him to take sips from did, in fact, taste suspiciously grainy for what Jeno claimed to be a simple fruit smoothie. 

Jisung jolted when Renjun's hands crept underneath his uniform's jacket, fingers pinching the slight folds of his stomach. "I guess dancing's been working for you," Renjun said as his fingers continued to run along the creases of Jisung's uniform shirt. "Maybe I should've joined the cult."

"You never visited, so I figured you were too busy with college," Jisung said as he tried his best not to squirm under Renjun's touch. His tolerance had matured with his body, but he was still sensitive.

Renjun hummed noncommittedly as he finally slipped his hand out from underneath Jisung's jacket. His eyes crept up to Jisung's face, wandering the slopes and crevices that Jisung was certain were familiar enough to Renjun to not warrant a sudden inspection. But, then again, two years was a long time for them. Maybe Jisung was missing something from the mug he looked at every morning and late afternoon.

"I was busy," Renjun mumbled, eyes lowering down to Jisung's hands, folded in his lap, and he spread his fingers across the back of Jisung's hand. Fingertips running over Jisung's knuckles, Renjun admitted, "But never too busy. I could've visited."

Jisung blinked and absolutely did _not_ focus on Renjun's faint touch. "Oh." Okay, maybe he focused a _little_. "Why didn't you?"

Renjun laughed, all harsh breath through his nose, as he mused quietly, "Why, indeed?"

They fell into silence. It wasn't familiar or comforting because even a half-wit like Jisung could tell Renjun had something more to say but refused to speak. 

Jisung looked toward the school building and wondered how late he was to the ceremony. He looked back toward Renjun and finally wondered why he was here if not to see Jisung get his diploma.

"Do you..." Jisung began, hesitating over his words because his thoughts hadn't fully formed, and he didn't know what it was he was suggesting, but he hoped it would be enough to get Renjun to talk to him. "Do you wanna go to the park?"

Renjun looked toward the sky, as though by habit. "It's not—it's not night yet?" He lowered his eyes to meet Jisung's, and whatever expression Jisung wore was enough to have him standing from the bench with an exaggerated sigh. 

"You coming?" he said, turning and walking away before Jisung could scramble to his feet.

The walk did nothing to dissipate Jisung's discomfort. He shifted to the distant tune of the loyal buskers that played from the shopping strip, but even that wasn't enough to rid him of his nerves. Renjun was never quiet around him unless he was mulling something over, and the mere thought that Renjun was withholding something from him found Jisung unable to approach him. Though, maybe it had more to do with high-schoolers and college students being in two completely different leagues. 

When they entered the park, Jisung made a subconscious bee-line to the sandbox, but Renjun tugged on his sleeve and brought him to a stumbling stop.

"We're not gonna fit in there anymore," Renjun said with a laugh. He guided Jisung toward the swings, and Jisung flinched when the aged chains groaned under Renjun's weight. "Care to join?" Renjun tilted his head to the neighboring seat, and Jisung complied.

They sat there, listening as the distant busker swapped out with someone who played a more upbeat tune, fast-paced and just a touch homey. The sun seared its spring gaze atop Jisung's head, and Jisung figured he well and truly was going to overheat from his thoughts alone.

"You know," Renjun began, voice moving in tandem to the familiar, distant beat, "Sociology doesn't teach you much."

"Because you obviously know all the social cues there are," Jisung said as he kicked his feet off the dirt patch, swinging back gently before swooping forward. He caught Renjun's exasperated gaze and held his tongue, nodding in prompting.

"It just...wasn't for me. I think. I don't know."

"You got your degree already, right?"

"I took this last semester off."

Jisung felt his stomach swoop with the swing.

"I was wondering if it was worth it, you know?" Renjun continued when Jisung yielded no response. "To go through with the lectures and assignments and research on a topic that held no interest to me. But what was I gonna do? Start over? With what money? How much time had I just wasted because I was hasty to take whatever scholarship seemed the easiest to get? 

"Ah, but what do you care? You've got your life all figured out, so it's not like you can relate."

Jisung halted his motion with a hard press of his heels into the dirt mound below. He nearly fell out of his seat, but he held strong and turned toward Renjun with something he sure was a scowl.

"I can't relate?" Jisung stood from the swing and stood in front of Renjun, towering over him and shadowing him from the sun's unrelenting blaze. " _I_ can't relate? Me? The person who came to _you_ for advice for my future? Who got comforted by _you_ about my future?"

Jisung crouched down in front of Renjun, hands hesitant and hovering at first, but soon finding their place atop Renjun's knees, sturdy in their grasp. He craned his neck upward, eyes boring into Renjun's, the sun's sheen reflecting back at him within their startled depths. 

"Hyung." Jisung licked his lips as his mind desperately attempted to catch up to him, to plan ahead and prepare for the task of speaking words he held deep within his heart. But he pushed aside the anxiety, the needless stammering and stuttering, and _spoke_.

"Hyung," he said without hesitation, "you...inspired me. To pursue my dreams, I mean. You not only actively encouraged me, but you also took the time out of your day to take notice of such a small hobby in the first place. I figured that if I could capture at least one person's attention, why not a whole crowd? An entire stadium? My ambition only rose from there, and even when my confidence seemed to weaken as my body grew to the point of me losing complete control of it at times, you offered me your ear and truer words than what Jeno could.

"Hyung," Jisung said, voice desperate because he could never speak the complete truth aloud, but he prayed Renjun would know. Renjun always knew. "Hyung, you never wasted any time. You were just figuring out what it was you wanted, and you may not have figured it out, but you were still brave enough to admit that what you were already doing wasn't it. You... You're strong. Stronger than anyone else I know. And I want you to continue being strong because I want you to continue looking for what it is you want."

Jisung paused and blinked at his words, lips parting and closing before saying, "I mean, unless you honestly want to research aliens—"

Renjun scoffed and smacked Jisung on the crown of his head.

When the throbbing pain in his head faded into the heat of the sun's gaze, Jisung startled when Renjun slid from the swing and into his lap. Jisung's hands came up to Renjun's waist to hold him steady, his palms clammy and stiff from the spring's heat, and Jisung willed his gaze to stray no further than from Renjun's intent eyes.

"I've always liked art," Renjun mumbled, breath hot against Jisung's face.

"I remember you doodling a lot," Jisung agreed.

"But it's a hard industry to get into, you know. I don't even have that much experience."

"Just practice like me."

"It'd be better to get a formal education, though, you know? But the tuition for most art schools are insane."

"Freelance for a while before going back to college. There's no need to rush through school."

"Jisung, you're acting like an adult." Renjun leaned his forehead against Jisung's, and all Jisung could do was stare resolutely into his eyes because there would be no escape if he looked any lower. "When did you grow up?"

"A while ago," Jisung mumbled, daring not to move his lips too much. "You were just too busy to notice."

"You make it sound like I neglected you." Renjun shifted his weight atop Jisung's lap, knees planted beside Jisung's thighs, and Jisung's eyes did _not_ flicker down. "I think the neglected person in your life is Chenle-ah. You know he's at the ceremony, right? I bet your name was called already."

"Maybe if you had joined him instead of angsting outside by yourself we wouldn't be here."

"I was thinking about not coming at all. Be grateful you got to see me, brat."

"I am," Jisung said earnestly, and he really couldn't stop his eyes from flicking down to Renjun's lips that time. 

"I am," Jisung reiterated, eyes hastily finding themselves on Renjun's. "I'm glad to see you again, hyung, but if you're just here to complain—"

Renjun's lips crashed against his, and it was awkward and painful, and all Jisung could do was fall away from the assault.

"Ow, fuck," Jisung hissed as he brought his hand up to his throbbing lips.

"Don't fucking swear," Renjun groaned as he rolled off Jisung's waist and landed next to him on the dirt patch. "That wasn't the way it was supposed to go," he whispered as his fingers trailed the outline of Jisung's jaw.

"What were you expecting when you interrupted me mid-sentence?" Jisung tapped his nail against his teeth tentatively. "Fuck, hyung, I hate to imagine what would've happened if you had normal braces."

Renjun's fingers gripped Jisung's jaw roughly as he jerked Jisung's head toward him, eyes fierce. "Don't _fucking_ swear," he said. "And I'd imagine more than dirt would be on your uniform in that case."

"Great. Not only am I missing my graduation ceremony for you, but you've gone and ruined my uniform, hyung."

"Just toss it in the washer, you big baby." Renjun leaned in closer, bruised lips nearing Jisung's. "Besides, you remember how lame my ceremony was, right? You really wanna go all the way back for that?"

Jisung's eyes lowered like the traitors they were. "Not really..."

Renjun hummed something incoherent, voice lost to the spring breeze and Jisung's own incompetence. Jisung didn't bother asking for a repeat, his lips occupied with Renjun's.

The stars shone brilliantly above them, and Jisung would never be too sure if someone else was looking back at him, but if he took his eyes off the stars above, he knew for sure that there was someone by his side always willing to search with him.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry, again, rensung nation, for being unoriginal.


End file.
